Lagos

My plan to escape from the annual Christmas madness by spending December in Lagos turned out to have some flaws. Compared with Nigeria, the Advent season in Germany virtually feels subtle and relaxed. Advent in the tropics seems as absurd as beach volleyball in pack ice. There are Father Christmases in warm coats with white beards and red hats; there is tinsel, Christmas baubles, Christmas lights and marzipan confectionery – but all at humid, sticky temperatures of 33 degrees under a glistening sun.

In the meantime I have learnt to appreciate that most Christmas trees at home in Berlin are green. Lagos is covered by countless gaudy plastic trees. Most of the time, the colour depends on the sponsor of the tree. The huge red Christmas tree installation in front of the National Theatre of course was paid by Coca-Cola, all the yellow trees usually have something to do with the phone company MTN, and the blue ones belong to First-Bank. Some say that Christmas is the time where money and God are closest to each other. If that is true, Lagos probably is the most Christmassy town in the world.

Speaking of records: Nigeria probably also is one of the last countries on the globe where the entire Christmas business is done in cash. You only pay by credit card here if you want to make sure that someone has completely emptied your account by the next day. Generally, there is nothing wrong with cash. The biggest bill in circulation in Nigeria, however, is the clay brown 1,000-naira bill usually reasonably soaked in sweat. In my hotel, you can buy scrambled eggs with a side of plantains for that amount. A waist-high plastic Christmas tree costs 75,000 naira at the Christmas shop round the corner, a wooden rocking horse 120,000 naira. Which means that you have no other choice than to walk around with a plastic bag full of money if you want to go Christmas shopping in Lagos. Nigerians who are thinking about buying a mid-range car at the end of the year even need a sturdy backpack to be able to carry the required money. People who want to buy a new home should not leave without a suitcase on wheels.

But let us remain with the nicest aspect of a peaceful Advent season – Christmas money. When I drove into the government district a few days ago to do an interview with the environment minister of the Nigerian federal state of Lagos, a herd of billy goats bleated at me right at the entrance gate. The politician was nowhere to be found; instead I encountered sleeping doormen, TV-watching secretaries and: billy goats. In the ministerial gardens: billy goats. On the car park: billy goats. In the boot of a rickety VW Passat: billy goats. After a few days in Lagos you reckon with a lot, but these farm-like scenes in the government district still surprised me. After all, a good 17 million people are governed from here – as many as all Swedish, Norwegian and Finnish people in this world put together.

After I had cast forth a sufficient number of puzzled looks, an employee of the social department approached me and asked whether I wanted a billy goat as a gift. I declined with thanks while referring to the excess luggage regulations of Lufthansa, but was told on the occasion that the Lagos government does not give its employees their Christmas money in 1,000-naira bills but in the form of pygmy goats. After all I have seen in West Africa up to now, this is the Christmas idea of the year. Thanks to their protein, vitamin and iron values, pygmy goats are considered to be especially nourishing and have the advantage in the every-day traffic madness of Lagos that you can even fit two of them onto a motorbike taxi if you lay them across the saddle. By the way, the big domestic-cattle initiative also has a reconciliatory touch in Nigeria, which is divided into Christian and Islamic camps. Most of the 70 million Muslims in the country will slaughter and eat a goat for the Sallah festivities on Monday and Tuesday anyway. And at least those of the 56 million Christians who are lucky enough to be working in the government district of Lagos will probably be having a roast during the Christmas holidays that tastes very similar.