Bangalore

When I was asked if I would like to come along to a two-day Indian wedding, I was excited, but also puzzled. I don’t even know the couple. But, that’s the way things are here. Those who are invited to a wedding can bring along their entire families and even the cousin who is visiting by chance. In this case, I am that cousin. This is how the huge weddings with sometimes 2,000 or 3,000 guests come to be.

The wedding of Rema (24) and Rahul (27) is celebrated in one of the many wedding palaces of Bangalore. They stand in a row on West of Chord Road; there must be at least ten of these illuminated palaces. The couple first met three months ago. The two software engineers have never touched, let alone kissed one another. Their wedding is an arranged wedding, as most marriages are in India. Rahul’s parents chose their future daughter-in-law for their only son. She lives only ten minutes away and comes from a good family. After the parents visited one another and came to an agreement – caste, religion, financial circumstances have to match – the prospective couple was introduced. During such brief meetings that sometimes last ten minutes, sometimes an hour, they ask one another about their habits and then say either “yes” or “no” to the marriage. Then, the engagement is announced and rings are exchanged.

The young people basically do not question arranged marriages. They have no doubts that their parents decide for the best for them. Moreover, they do not enter into marriage with any big expectations or demands. Not least, astrologers are consulted about every detail from the best date for the wedding to the first night together. Eighty percent of arranged marriages are happy ones, the Indian taxi driver tells me. He will also be married this year, but a bride has not yet been found for him. His parents spoke with the parents of a number of girls, but none has yet agreed. Should a marriage go wrong later, the parents are also responsible for sorting things out.

Rema and Rahul, at all events, seem very happy. Rema is wearing a magnificent sari, is decked out in gold jewellery and blossoms from top to toe, and proudly poses for the photographers. On the first day of the wedding the young couple receives about 1,000 guests. The couple stands on the dais all evening, accepting congratulations, and being photographed by all the guests. A band plays music, but there is no dancing. Once guests have offered their congratulations, they proceed to the lower floor for dinner. It is served on banana leaves, well-nigh in a rush. Four or five people walk through the rows with pails and ladles and take turns laying small servings of food on the leaves. This results in a ten-course meal. As soon as you are finished, you are expected to clear your place, for another few hundred guests await their turns.

The next day – the day of the actual wedding – begins at six in the morning with a number of religious rituals. Intoning mantras, two priests spiritually prepare the groom for his marriage. The three-row Brahman cord is wrapped about him, which signifies that there are not only two eyes – the third eye is the eye of wisdom. Later in the morning the bridegroom and his family and then the bride are led to the symbolic temple on the dais. The rituals continue, with fire, smoke, blossoms, banknotes, and bananas. The family of the bride ceremonially hand over their daughter into the care of the family of the groom. Today, Rema will move into her husband’s parent’s home, which she has never seen. Organizing the wedding was thus the last thing that the bride’s parents did for their daughter.

The actual marriage has been performed when Rahul lays a chain about the neck of his Rema, the couple is showered with rice, and the family breaks out in cheers. In India, a civil registry certification of marriage is not necessary. Later, the relatives present many golden pieces of jewellery to the bride as gifts.